Bounce

We jump on trampolines as if to get to Heaven, but we walk on hell and we forget it's there. A pilgrim made his progress, but is progress ever enough? We reach what we call salvation, and then we stop reaching for God. What if God one day decided that all of those people that don't live as if they've been saved didn't deserve their salvation, so He took it away? What would we say? Would we still wear Christianity like the latest trend? Or would our lives clean up?

God has the power to take it away. Not that He would ever take away your salvation, but just remember that if He wanted to, He could.

Red slippers

I've become Dorothy in this wonderful Land of Oz. Everything seems to be perfect. I'm with my friends all of the time, I don't have to worry about school or about a job, I have no commitments. It was in fact, fun while it lasted, but I'm not a child anymore. I'm a man. In order to be treated like one, I have to start acting like one. The lips that were continuously shared on couches have left a sick feeling in my stomach, and have possibly turned me off to sharing my lips with any other person. The smacking sounds I endured from both food and kissing have destroyed me. I simply need a break from everything.

I might not see my friends for a while. I have to piece everything together. Bye.

Blankets.

I'm going home in the morning. I'm excited. The comfort of my own bed. I've been messed up in the stomach for the last week because I haven't been home. I'm growing tired of being around my friends 24/7 even though I love them to death. Family comes first. Hallelujah.

Breakable.

I hate fighting. So much. If I see another fight at a Jackson show, I might stop going.

Snip snip.

Today we went to the 4 C's to look around for stuff, and we found the perfect gift for Vicki. We had to scrape together whatever change we had. Teamwork. I helped a black man put a tv in the back of his Jeep and went back to the car to find more change for the gift. When I came back, the man handed me a five dollar bill. Of course, I rejected it. He insisted. Well, I had lunch money for the day. The Burger King dollar menu rules beyond belief. JP and I got the quarter pounders for a dollar. It was great. Life is good right now. No complaints. I saw my mom today for the first time in four weeks. She asked me how I was. I told her I was doing good. I got my acceptance letter from Hinds Community College today. That was a plus! Getting into college isn't fun. Being there, is. Hopefully I can get into the barber school.

Stretching the rope before tying the knot.

Night number 2 went pretty well in the garage. There wasn't any Taylor Swift to accompany us this time, but the heat is. The heater we've acquired isn't new, but it's new to us, and for that we're grateful. The talk we had last night would probably go towards the top of the list; at least in my book it would. We talked about how I've met my wife, and how she doesn't know it yet. We talked about how I believe she's the one God has set for me, but it's just not time yet for me to make a move. There are a lot of things that I have to get straight with the Lord before I can pursue her. Until I'm ready, I have to get to know her more. She said I'd have a chance if she dated, but she doesn't date, because she's too in love with Jesus, and that's why I'm so attracted to her. She's being fair to her future husband, and after hearing that, I suppose I should start being fair to my future wife. It isn't fair that I share lips with someone else before I get married. It's as if we're engaged, and I'm having relationships with other women before we tie the knot. There really isn't anything fair about that. I've been told women know who they're going to marry as soon as they see the person. I guess I got in touch with my feminine side for once. She's so into God, that she hasn't even thought about who her husband is going to be. She says God will show her when He's ready. The way I basically have this figured out is like this: We're two pieces to a three-pieced puzzle. She has the connection with the Lord, but doesn't know who she's going to marry. And I've found who I'm going to marry, but I'm not as connected to God as I should be. So we fit together, completing each other, for right now, and God comes in and fills the third spot. I pray every night for her now. I pray that God shows her that I'm there, and I pray that she continues her pursuit of Him. Then I pray that I clean up my act enough to chase her. God, give me the strength to make this work for her. She deserves my best.

Lucky Charms.

Yesterday, I began living in my best friend's garage alongside my best friend. Taylor Swift and brotime keep us up late into the night. The cold woke me up this morning. The heater we have wasn't as good as the money his parent's spent on it. We laugh about living in the garage. It's the simple things in life that make us happy. I hope to see my dear friend Samantha tomorrow. It's been quite a while since I have. Honestly, night time is my favorite time to see her, but I suppose I'll take it however I can get it. That last part sounded weird to me, but I'll keep it, because laziness keeps my right pinky finger from reaching up to the backspace key long enough to remove the words I mistakenly wrote. I'm content enough with the content in this blog. It's weird how the adjective "content" and noun "content" are spelled the same, but sound different. The English vocabulary is a funny one to me.

Falling.

I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember. Seriously, my memory does not go past the time I accepted Jesus into my heart. I was five, so it's reasonable that I can't remember anything before that. I guess that makes me 13 years old as a Christian. Ah, the teenage years.

I was never a Christian because it was the "cool thing to do"; I was a Christian because it was the only thing to do. I was five, and my father was a Baptist preacher. It was sort of expected from me. Just because it was the only thing to do, does not at all mean that I didn't mean it. I meant every bit of that prayer I prayed. I still mean every bit of that prayer I prayed.

I always hear people say that when you're that young, you can't really mean what you say, but to be honest with you, that is ridiculous. In Matthew 18, Jesus says unless we become like children, we will never enter into the kingdom of Heaven. A heart is so simple at that stage in your life. The innocence inside of you allows you to see things in black and white, and at that age, Jesus seems to be the whitest of whites. What five year old wouldn't want to be forgiven for all the wrong they'll ever do? Stealing cookies is a deadly sin.

Just because I was the son of a preacher and was saved at the age of five does not at all mean that I was the "model child" growing up. Yes, I went to church every Sunday. Yes, I dressed nicely every Sunday. Yes, I knew all the answers to all the Sunday school trivia questions. To an adult, I might have been the model child, but the playground does terrible things to a child. You see an awful lot of corruption out there on the green grass. Lies were told to stop fingers from being pried off of the precious metal that made up the jungle gym. Dirt was thrown in angry rage because someone didn't get picked to play kickball. My first bad word escaped from my lips when I was in the third grade, after I told a girl I liked her, and she said "Eww." I still struggle with the same problems.

I've matured a lot since I was five. More questions come about with my faith, but that's healthy. If you don't question your faith, you never really own it. I've seen people who were once as dedicated to Jesus as I was, turn away and have nothing to do with Him again. No, I don't appear to be as dedicated now, as I was back then, but I'd say that my love for Him has definitely intensified. I've become more dependent of Jesus, thus making me love Him more and more everytime I hear His name.

The same words I learned when I was in the third grade have stuck with me even now. I've even added on to my vocabulary of awful things to say. The music I listen to doesn't really help me clean up my act any, and I suppose that that is the direction in which I wanted this to go. I listen to hardcore. I listen to the screaming, the bass pounding, the distorted guitars, the machine-gun of a drumset. All of it. I love it. Every single bit of it.

However, the lyrics for most of this music contain those four letter words that I so easily pronounce. Yes, there are Christian hardcore bands out there, and some of them are even my favorite bands, but my musical preferences change frequently. It seems like most songs out there now are about hating society, or hating someone because they've done me wrong. Vocalists put the same pens that they use to talk about changing the world down onto different papers that talk about destroying those who hurt them. But I can't talk about being a hypocrite.

I end up allowing myself to be caught up in the rage and anger that these bands so easily expel from their lips. I talk about how much I can't stand some people, while at the same time tell others about the love of Jesus. Is that really fair? Luckily, the same grace that saved me from the flames I deserved for stealing cookies as a child saves me from the flames I deserve now for being a hypocrite.

Ephesians 1:7-8 says "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding."

The blood of Christ saves me when I mess up, because God is so good to me. Living in the hardcore "scene" as a Christian is not as easy as people may think. I'm going to be looked at by all sorts of people, and since I'm a Christian, I'm going to be expected to act a certain way, and honestly, I should act a certain way so that my witness will be valid. Yet, I'm never going to be perfect. Fortunately, those verses remind me that I still have hope. I'm going to mess up. I'm not always going to be the Jesus that people need to see in me, but just because I let a few terrible words slip off of my tongue, doesn't mean that I can't get back up when I stumble.

We're Just Roomates.

Another day goes on, and I'm still here in this empty house, all alone. There is one other person, but she's downstairs, and we never talk. Last night I told her my story. It seems everyone agrees that my parents overeacted. They did, I suppose. My father texted me this morning asking if I needed a new bike. I told him I did. That was all that was made of the conversation.
We rode around town yesterday getting applications for little jobs around town. Mostly in food places or daycares. I'm praying for a daycare job. I just feel like that will help me stay close to God, because I'll have to be on my BEST behavior, so all of that cussing and dirty talk that goes on at secular places won't interfere with my life. I'm a struggling sinner.
I spent the night with Hunter last night. Brotime is always a pleasure.
Today, we're going to Flowood for JP and Vicki's one month anniversary. I'm sort of excited, because I haven't been out of Clinton in a few days. Whereas, before I was out of it everyday, at least twice a day. We also decided that since it was a special occasion, we'd spend a LITTLE bit of extra money, and get Taco Bell. A feast! Sort of.
I'm learning to appreciate every little thing that comes my way. Loose change drives me bananas. My beard is growing back too! I don't have a job or anything right now, so it's growing! Of course, it's still at its beginning stages, but a man can still get excited, can't he?
My nose still hurts from where I became a bull for a day. I plan on repiercing it. Since I went through all of this trouble over it, I might as well. My right foot has a scab from the very first day I left, from where the house shoe I was wearing on that foot kept scraping it. It's going away soon, I believe.
I wish I could find some way to thank all the people that have helped me out. There sure are a lot of them. I decided that I kind of want to see if I can make it without my parents. To see if I can live a life successfully without them. If I fail, and hit rock bottom, then I'll come crawling back. That is all for today. God bless you.

Neither poor, nor rich.

Over the past few days, I've found myself embarked on an adventure. I pierced my septum on Friday the 13th, and it truly did turn out to be an unlucky day. I showed my mother the piercing on the very next day, and it's as if hell had broken loose. When I returned home for work that night, my phone, car keys, and basically my whole life were taken away.
The phrase, "I don't know how you're going to get to work and school," came from my father's lips. My own father had just told me my future was shot. He even took the savings I had let him hold for me. He said he wasn't going back on his punishment this time, and I used the fact that he said that in my argument for leaving the house in such a hurry the next morning.
Yes, I left the house.
Sunday morning, I was awoken and told I had many decisions to make. Well, I made my one big decision: I must move out, because I'd rather live somewhere else than live in this house with no freedom at all. So I packed my suitcase, and as I was closing it, one of the zipper's broke. "God, I'm still leaving," I said.
My little brother's voice was the last one I heard. "I'll miss you." he said. "I'll miss you too." I returned. A post-it note with the lyrics from a Buddy Holly song were left on the table in my absence. It read: "All my huggin' and all my kissin', you don't know what you been missin', oh boy!"
I walked to where my best friends were. My grandfather tried to stop me on the way, but I let him know what I really felt for the first time in my life. "You were the same one who said I couldn't go into your house with the ring in my nose." He couldn't say much more. He left. The most influential person that has ever, and mostlikely will ever, enter my life was the second one who tried to stop me. Except he just asked me to get breakfast with him. It was hard not to get into his car.
I felt like if I wanted anyone to see me, it would be him, because I know he wouldn't judge me in the least bit, but at the same time, I felt almost disappointed in myself that I had let him see me that way. I let him know that I had a place to go, and so, in order to follow my will, he left. I praise the Lord for Lance Sudduth.
I hadn't shed a tear yet. I arrived at the new home, and as soon as JP opened the door, I bawled my eyes out. Tears fell like rain into my lap. Luckily, Have Heart, Take it Back!, and Looking Forward were within reach, and my mood soon got better. Mr. Herrington sent a text saying I could live there as long as I needed. The tears returned.
Jp and I have been pooling our money together. We began buying groceries, with a little bit of money from Mr. Herrington, and I received my money for California back, however, I had to return the van that my mother had brought for me to use. I got to keep my phone.
I started riding a bike today. That is hard. I am not even kidding. Bikeriding is not easy.
We're hoping to get jobs at a local church's daycare. I've been praying that the Lord follows through for us, if that is His will. I quit my job in Ridgeland, but my last check comes in Monday. I'm super excited.
Right now, our funds will hold us. We've got about 150 dollars. Which is great!
I'd like to start saving for a car or maybe an apartment. Whichever is the Lord's will. I've been digging pretty deeply into Scripture.
I watched a video of Francis Chan speaking the other night, and it changed the way I think about some things. Proverbs 30 talks about how the man's prayer is to be neither rich, nor poor, so that he can learn to depend on God. That is my prayer now too. I've been learning to ask God for my "daily bread". Dependence on God is the only way I can make it through this.
I've been allowed more time for things, now that I'm on my own schedule. I'd like to get back into ministry somehow. That'd be lovely.
My love for Jesus brings me to tears now. I was describing how God could've sent His son as Goku or something from Dragon Ball Z, but instead it wa a humble man with a beard, as a carpenter. That is about all I got out of my mouth before I began weeping again. God is just so good.
I will never advise you to leave home, however. It may seem like I'm learning a lot, and I am, but I don't advise you to do it too. A lot of heartache has been involved. On my side and my family's. Just stay true to what you love.

Pursue.

Well, I have a date Saturday night. The only thing is, I haven't found a girl to go with me. My sister got me a ticket for a play she's doing makeup for, even though I didn't ask her to. It was really nice of her, right? Right. Well, too bad I wanted to go see a movie that night. I'm just not mean enough to tell her I can't go now that she's gotten me a ticket. So, I reserved another one.

Now, I have two tickets to see a play Saturday night, but no one to fill the space of the empty seat that will be beside me. The thing is, I'm a big guy. I've got a good bit of weight. But I've also got a big heart. Once a female notices that, it's on. But until they notice that, I'm just another big guy. Some girls like that I guess?

Makes for good cuddling, so I've been told.

Oh well.

Monday I watched as a girl I'm good friends with/kind of crushing on walked around campus with two smokers. Not that I have anything against smokers, it's just...I'm jealous, I suppose. She should be walking with me. Actually, considering I have this lack of courage to ask her out, she shouldn't be with me. That's the thing about these tough guys. They're so confident. I get nervous every time I think about going out with a beautiful girl. It's always awkward until the first kiss, you know?

It's like...I realize that I was extremely blessed to be going out with this girl, and that weighs down on me, because I got lucky. And that's all it seems to be, is me getting lucky. But then you kiss that girl and everything opens up perfectly. I just have to get to that first kiss.

I once waited two whole months to kiss a girl. It was well worth the wait, but up until that kiss, everything was awkward. She made me chase so hard after her, and afterwards, I realized that I really liked that chase. It made everything so much better.

Get me to chase you?

Out of the Wild.

A good friend of mine was telling me about his roommate, whom I happen to know, and about his roommate's theory on religion and other such things. He was telling me about how John(so we'll call him), his roommate, had been reading Thoreau's Walden, and about how he had become obsessed with the story of "Alexander Supertramp" from Into the Wild. John is a very bright young man, but his common sense probably wouldn't get him too far. I say that from personal experiences with him, not from his philosophy on God and the wilderness, as I'm about to discuss.

John is a student at Mississippi College, and lives in the dorms. However, he is hardly ever there. He rides his bike for at least three hours a day, and when he is in the dorm, he cannot sit down for more than ten minutes without feeling the need to be doing something. Most of the time John will just make up some activity, such as running, that he is going to do, and then he does it. He doesn't shower very often, and feels the need for underwear is simply ridiculous.

The thing that really gets me about John, is how he feels about God and the Great Outdoors. He feels that if one is in solitude, it is less likely that that person will sin. I suppose to an extent, that is true. Living in the woods would be the dream life for John. But my friend, John's roommate, brought up a very good point. He said that John is basically throwing away the blessings that God has given him.

It's true. God has placed him in a position that will leave him with nothing short of success, if he plays his cards right. Yet, John feels as if the woods would do him more good. I just cannot find it in me to believe that God would rather have someone live in the woods, than experience people, and the wonderful relationships they bring.

Living in solitude could possibly harm your belief in God. It would leave only the beauty of His creations, and they are beautiful, to keep you believing. You wouldn't be able to experience the love other people have to give. Watching the animals in their relationships would be the only proof you have that love even exists, and who is to be so sure that animals love anyway? I'd think that their relationships are instinctive.

The thing is, God put other people on this planet so that we wouldn't be lonely. Yes, they may be sinful, corrupt people, but who isn't? We are no better than they. Living in solitude also cannot fulfill the body's biological needs. There is a "sex drive" in every human being. It's what makes us attracted to other people. In solitude, there is no other person to act out your attraction with, and thus, one turns to self-pleasure. Is that not sin also?

We have to be around people so that we can experience an infinitesimal amount of the love that God shows. We cannot simply place ourselves in the woods until we die, and not show love to other people. It just isn't possible.

Take into great consideration the people around you and the gifts God has given you. The more you begin to appreciate what you have, the less you'll want to abandon everything and live in the woods. Find good in the world. Don't just wait for it to pop out at you, because it won't.

Optimus Prime

The Transformers were right when they said that the humans are a cruel, and violent race. We feed off of the pain of a member of our own species. We laugh when people are hurt in fights, or in accidents, yet we feel the same pain they do when it happens to us. We always seem to forget the "Golden Rule", "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Why can't we put our hate for each other behind us? We're only on Earth for a limited time. Why spend your time arguing and making other people hurt when you could enjoy life with everyone? Selfishness. That's all it comes down to. We want what's best for ourselves. When will we see there's more to life than pleasing ourselves? There seems to be more satisfaction when helping someone else than when helping myself.

I'll begin my change here. This blog. My promise to show love. To stop the selfishness that lies within myself.

Sweat.

Covered in what was once sweat, I arrived home at exactly one o'clock a.m. My ears are ringing. My limbs are sore from dancing. But my heart is filled with joy, because I remembered the love with which my Savior covers me and my sin. I was brought to my knees in front of tons of people tonight. And it really doesn't bother me at all. God is so good to me. I never really grasp that.

Can't wait to hit the bed.

Night.

Estamos Familia.

Texas already looks beautiful, from the pictures I've seen. I mean, I've been through Texas. I've been to Texas. Several times. But I've always been too young, or there for too short of a time to actually notice the people there. Or the beauty of the people there. The latter seven of the first ten days of July, I'll be there. Soaking up the beauty of the Lord's creations.

I've decided to disconnect myself from my wireless demon, and other electronic devices for the whole trip. I feel like I owe Jesus that. I owe my fellow missionaries that. I owe the kids in Texas that. Nothing but straight conversation. Nothing but showing love, and being loved. By my Savior, by small Mexican children, and my teammates.

The neighborhood we'll be working in is pretty run down. Lots of work to be done. Honestly, I'd rather work on the houses every afternoon than go to some water park. Or some amusement park. I'm kind of scared to share that idea with everyone though, for their intentions may not be in the same place as mine. And I definitely want people to be happy. Because that's what it's about, right? If you didn't sense the sarcasm in the last sentence, then now you did. Because you just read that.

I love the fact that we're getting the chance to show Jesus to these kids.